And it’s not that we want to keep secrets from you, it’s just that talking with your current girlfriend about your exes is like walking through a minefield. You want to see pictures, you want to know what they did for a living, you want to know who ended what and when and why. But you want every detail about every girl I’ve been in a relationship with. I mean, shit, I don’t want to know about yours. Is there a way to deal with this that you won’t take as some kind of rejection, or do we just have to live with it? 7. Hey, I’m all for a little post-coital cuddling, but when you fall asleep on my chest with one leg slung over my waist, there’s no way I’m ever going to get comfortable enough to pass out myself. I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time, but somehow you’re talking on the phone, writing an email, watching something on TV, reading a magazine and juggling bowling pins all at once. This is one of those scientifically proven phenomena-women are just plain better at multi-tasking than men. If you want to share food, please confine it to desserts. But then you go and poach like a third of my order. So why are you always eating our fries? We asked you if you wanted any of your own, and you said no. I know you want me to figure it out for myself, but haven’t I proven time and time again that I’m not capable of that? Just be straight with me, and I’ll probably apologize for it. I can tell you’re pissed off, and it seems like it’s at me, but I honestly have no fucking idea what I did. Why You Won’t Tell Us What’s Bothering You And don’t get mad at us when we don’t notice your new pair-unless we have some kind of fetish, we’re not looking at your feet. I’m sorry, but we just don’t understand why you get so excited about buckles and straps and shit. How much footwear does a person really need? Most guys have a black pair, a brown pair, and some worn-out sneakers and we get by just fine.
But if you want me to pick you up at the airport or go with you to brunch with your mother, for Christ’s sake, just say so. Telling me you’re fine when you’re clearly the furthest thing from fine is one thing-your body language gives you away. Since communication is essential in successful relationships, this is a mystifying curve ball to us. Why You Say The Opposite Of What You Mean If you see anything here that you can clear up for us, please do.
So here are a few things about you that we don’t understand. We’re not stupid (most of us) and we want you to be happy, but there are fundamental gaps in our gender-wide knowledge that often get in the way of peaceful coexistence. The problem, however, lies not in what we don’t understand, but what you EXPECT us to understand. We’ve more or less accepted the fact that you’ll always be something of a mystery to us, and we’re okay with that. Mars and Venus and all that shit, you know. See, there are a more than a few things about you that we just flat-out do not get. First off, let me explain that I’m not here to complain about you.
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